It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
