Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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