Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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