Nicole vs. Life
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
