I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
