i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
