I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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