Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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