I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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