You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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