Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
