Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
