If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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