FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
