I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
