how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
