just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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