i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
