I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
