Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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