I think I won the penis lottery.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
