I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
