Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
