I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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