Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
