I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
