btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
