There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
