i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
another moral hangover. fuck.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
