we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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