dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
