I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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