So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
