u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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