thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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