A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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