wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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