I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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