If you die in college, do you die in real life?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
