Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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