his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drake has all the answers
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
