So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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