And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
