You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
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