drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
