I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Four minutes until I can fart!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
