His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
