dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
