if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
