my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
