Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
