Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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