Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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