Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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