Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
