Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
