That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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