my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
